


I'll Take You to the Moon

by MuffinExplosion



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beards, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Mildly Dubious Consent, Office, Pie, Psychological Trauma, Raymond steals Kevin's blanket, Violence, like seriously sick, sick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinExplosion/pseuds/MuffinExplosion
Summary: A collection of B99 oneshots mostly featuring Raymond and Kevin.Violence in chapter 4!Very mild smut in chapter 6!Mild dub-con in chapter 12!





	1. I wish to tell them, Raymond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :D  
> So I'm writing this fic mostly to train my english since I'm not a native speaker but of course I also hope you'll like the stuff I'll be posting. If you spot any grammar mistakes please tell me!

It looked like it always did. Not extraordinary large but still clearly the property of an upper-middle class family. The roof decorated with old tiles and two wooden steps leading up to a white door. The front was recently painted and shone in a light beige. A few flower-boxes with colorful plants trapped in them were attached to the railings of the veranda and matched the white curtains inside one could see from the street. A shiny brown car was parked in front of the garage. All put together the house fitted right in with the other suburban homes along the road.

“It will be alright,” said Raymond and put a hand on the other man's leg. Kevin turned to him, realizing he just sat and watched his childhood home silently for minutes. He shot Raymond a tiny uncertain smile and took his hand in his own. He knew Ray must have noticed his trembling fingers and swallowed.  
“Are you sure you want to tell them yet? You seem rather... shaken.”  
Kevin faced the house again and grabbed Gertie's steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.  
“Yes...,” he said. “I have to... I told them I would come. And I told them I would bring someone.”  
“Still,” answered Raymond. “You do not have to do it. You can think about it and we will return some other time.”  
“I already thought about it. Always running in circles in my own head. I wish to tell them, Raymond.” He squeezed his partner's hand and glanced at him softly. “I love you.”  
Raymond returned his look with tensed jaw.

“What is the matter?” asked Kevin, his brows furrowed.  
“Kevin...,” his partner started to speak.  
“Raymond?”  
“Kevin, I, too, love you.”  
He paused.  
“But do you not think, you should talk to them on the phone first? From a place with a safe distance to your family home?”  
“I already spoke to them. Why else would we be here when it wasn't because of a prior discussed meeting?”  
“You know what I am talking about,” claimed Raymond and intertwined his own fingers with Kevin's. But Kevin stayed silent even though he knew exactly what his partner would be saying next. He squeezed his hand harder and looked into the chocolate brown eyes he fell in love with.

“You did not tell them you are bringing a man. Not to mention a black man.”

Kevin dropped his gaze and stared at their hands. His own pale skin seemed almost white against Raymond's dark hand. The contrast had a kind of satisfying, almost soothing effect on Kevin. He stroked his thumb over Raymond's. His partner was right. As always. He should have called first to tell them he wasn't going to introduce a woman. He should have told them that he already moved in with Raymond. He should have told them that he was happy...  
But he didn't. Instead, he had planned to just barge in, tell them Ray was his boyfriend and expect them to accept it. How foolish of him.  
“Usually you are always in favor of telling people you are homosexual,” commented Kevin without looking up.  
“Yes, I am. But this is about you. Those people are your parents, Kevin. You have to be sure that this is the right place and time for you to talk to them.”  
“Well... it is. I am sure of it.”

Raymond just raised an eyebrow. Kevin swallowed again.  
“Perhaps... not quite as sure as I originally thought,” he confessed and began to tap on the steering wheel with his fingers. He looked over to the house. It was as peaceful as ever, framed by two trees.  
“Shall we return home?” murmured Raymond softly. Kevin nodded and started the engine.


	2. The Justice Boyz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if you spot grammar mistakes :)

“And again Brooklyn was saved by the best cops in the nine-nine.” Jake pushed the perp into the holding cell. “No crime is too criminal for the Justice Boyz!”  
“The Justice Boyz!” cheered Charles and shut the cell door.  
“Nope, 'Justice Boyz' still isn't the right name,” sighed Jake.  
“Agree!”

“How about 'the dum-dums'?” asked Rosa without looking up from her computer screen.  
“Excuse me?” exclaimed Charles and walked towards her desk. Jake followed. “I see you don't know who we just brought in.”  
“Uh-hu”, she answered uninterestedly.  
“It's Carl Walker,” grinned Jake satisfied. “Known for selling drugs and killing two of his clients.”  
Rosa hummed.  
“That's all you have to say?” asked Jake. “We searched for him for weeks!”  
“And now, after a dangerous chase, the Justice Boyz finally caught him.” Charles smiled proudly.  
“You really have to stop calling us that.”

“'Dangerous chase'?” interrupted Rosa and glanced at said criminal sitting in the cell. “His leg's broken.”  
Jake looked over his shoulder at Walker's cast and crutches.  
“Well, it was still pretty dangerous”, he claimed and Charles nodded.  
“Let me guess: He limped to his bedroom and Charles tackled him.”  
“No,” said Jake. “It was his kitchen.”  
“Something totally different;” agreed Charles. “See? I even got a bruise because I fell on the counter when I jumped to catch him.” He started to unbuckle his belt to show her.  
“Ew, Charles. Gross,” answered Rosa.

“We don't need your appreciation of our accomplishments,” said Jake defiantly. “I'll just tell Holt and he'll be proud of me... us. It's not like I need somebody to be proud of me or something, though.” He laughed short and awkwardly. “Don't be ridiculous, Rosa.”  
Rosa just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  
“Alright, then.” He turned around and strode up to Holt's office. “Captain!”  
He didn't even bother to knock or acknowledge the closed blinds before storming right in.

“Captain, Charles and I just – OH MY GOD!”

“Raymond, your employee.”

“Peralta!”

Jake slammed the door shut, his mouth open in shock and the expression frozen on his face. The entire precinct had gone quiet. He stared at his colleagues, doorknob still in his hand, trying to process what he had seen.  
“Jake?” asked Charles confused. He dared to blink again.  
“What happened?” Rosa got up from her chair.

“They...” Jake swallowed.

“What?”

“They just...” A grin slowly unfolded and he looked at them with an almost manic glint in his eyes.

“Our Dads... kissed!”


	3. Blueberry Pie

It was a bright afternoon in June. The sun bathed the houses' bricks in its warm light so that the buildings on the road, squeezed together like boxes in a warehouse, shone in a rich, cozy red. Here and there one could see bees flying from one flower pot to the next, giving the scenery a rural touch. The city was too small for skyscrapers or big, flashy advertisement boards but still large enough for its own train station and college.

Raymond was a little bit nervous as he approached one of the red houses. This was highly unusual. Normally, he always kept a clear head and remained confident in every situation. Well, in every situation except this one, apparently. He never had to deal with a feeling like this before. It was... weird. He was happy he got to see Kevin again, but at the same time, he was afraid he would mess up their relationship like he had messed up all his previous ones. He didn't want to lose what he had with Kevin. Again something highly unusual. 

He tightened his grip around the handle of the box he transported the pie in. Blueberry pie. He baked it himself. Partly to delight Kevin and partly to impress him. He just hoped it would still taste adequate after the two hours it spent on the hot, damp train.

Raymond went up the narrow steps which led up to a narrow door. Even though he knew exactly Kevin lived on the third floor, he let his index finger slide down all the nameplates before he stopped at the button he needed to press. K. Cozner. A small smile spread across his face as he ringed the bell. He pushed the door open at the buzz sound which followed shortly afterward. 

The house wasn't in possession of an elevator, but Raymond didn't mind walking. He heard a door being opened somewhere above him. It was Kevin's. He was sure of it when he smelled coffee. Kevin's coffee. He still hadn't asked him, where he got it from but he was certain it had to be very expensive. When he reached the third floor, the apartment to his left stood indeed slightly open, but there wasn't a trace of its occupant. 

He carefully knocked at the door.  
"Professor Cozner?" He pushed it open a bit further and cast a glance inside.  
At the same moment, Kevin emerged from his kitchen and walked towards Raymond with a little grin.  
"Detective Holt," he nodded, trying to hide his smile. "Please, do come in."  
He held the door open and stepped aside.

"Thank you. Very kind of you to invite me in." Raymond entered the apartment and met Kevin's eyes with a mischievous look. They shared a handshake.  
"You are welcome. I'm glad you could arrange this meeting. You know how much I value - " He shut the door and pushed Raymond against the nearest wall for a soft but intense kiss. 

"Kevin, the...," tried Raymond to warn but he couldn't bring himself to push the other man away. "Kevin! The pie!"  
Kevin let go and looked guiltily at the cardboard box Raymond was still holding. It got a bit crumpled between them.   
"I am sorry. I guess I just... missed you." He glanced at Raymond with a sheepish look.  
"I missed you as well," confessed Raymond. "But let's wait with further affections until the pie is safely set down."  
"Of course. Where are my manners? Let me take it off of you." Raymond handed the box over. He then removed his shoes and placed them next to the front door.

"Shall we?" asked Kevin. Raymond nodded and together they stepped into the kitchen. It was a relatively large room, able to fit a table for four people and all the equipment one needed in a kitchen. Even though it wasn't the host of any windows, it still seemed inviting and comfortable due to the bright walls and a few paintings. Like he had suspected Raymond found the coffee already brewed and set out along with scones and jam. As always Kevin had used the good china, and as always it made Raymond smile. It was the little things he could gather from how much the other man cared about him. 

Kevin put the box with the pie down on the kitchen table.  
"You know, you didn't have to bring something, do you?" said Kevin. "Although I find myself rather pleased that you did."  
"Well, then I achieved my aim," grinned Raymond. "I baked it myself," he added a touch proudly.  
"Raymond, are you trying to impress me?" asked Kevin playfully and took a knife out of a nearby drawer.  
"Perhaps I am. Yes."  
"Well, I am impressed. Please, take a seat."

Raymond did as he was told.  
"What kind of pie is it?" asked Kevin as he opened the lid of the box.  
"Blueberry. One of my favorites. I hope you will like it," replied Raymond.  
"Blueberry?"  
"Yes," he said. He frowned when Kevin didn't answer but kept staring at the pie. "Is something wrong with it?"  
"No, no. It is perfect," responded Kevin hastily and looked up with a small, reassuring smile. He started to cut the pie with the knife. "But I fear I'm out of whipped cream. I hope you don't mind eating it like this."  
"Of course not. It's probably for the best since I've put on a little weight lately," answered Raymond and patted his stomach.  
"No, you haven't. You look perfectly fit like you always do."

With a little grin on his face, Raymond watched Kevin put a piece of the pie on Raymond's plate before he treated himself with a slice. Suddenly he realized, he really liked this man. He liked the concentrated look he had as he maneuvered the slices to the plates. He liked how his blue eyes sparkled whenever Raymond told him a joke. He liked how he could talk about poetry for hours without running out of words to say. He liked-

"Raymond? Are you alright?" 

Raymond snapped out of his mind. Kevin, who now sat in front of him, regarded him with a partly worried, partly amused look.  
"Of course I am. I was just lost in my thoughts," he replied.  
"Some pleasant thoughts, I hope," said Kevin, a hint of concern in his voice. Something in Raymond's chest tightened for a moment. Even though Kevin hadn't addressed the matter directly, Raymond knew he was talking about the black man's work situation.  
"Yes." He took the other man's hand across the table in his own. "There is no need to fret about me. Shall we eat?"

Kevin's worried look lingered for another moment before he nodded. Raymond watched Kevin take his first forkful. He chewed it slowly and a little bit hesitantly. Raymond's heart dropped.  
"Is it this inedible?" he asked with a forced laugh.  
"No! Not at all!" denied Kevin quickly. "I am merely savoring the taste."  
As if to prove his point he took another bite.  
"It tastes remarkably good. I swear."

Raymond didn't believe him. He started to eat as well, expecting the worst. But after the first bite, he realized: Kevin was right. It tasted good. More than just good. The dough was kind of crunchy but not too hard. The filling was fruity but not too sweet. The topping was light but not too thin. This pie was amazing!

"Do you believe me now?" asked Kevin who had clearly watched Raymond eat as well.   
"Well, I don't have another choice now, do I?" replied the other man smiling. "So, tell me, how have you been? Does the lady from floor five still fancy you?"  
"Don't remind me of her," groaned Kevin. "Yesterday she decided to bring me the newspaper from downstairs since she was 'getting her own anyway' and then forced me to smalltalk for nearly half an hour. Half. An. Hour. Raymond! Half an hour with this boring, annoying woman. She talked so much I couldn't cut her off!"  
Raymond snorted.  
"This isn't even remotely funny!"

"I apologize," said Raymond and tried to hide his smile with another fork of the pie.   
"I despise her so unbelievable much, I can't formulate it in words."  
"Oh, don't be so vile, Kevin. I am sure, she is lovely," grinned Raymond.  
"She is not. I just don't know what she sees in me. I have told her - to her face! - that a romantic relationship between us isn't possible but she won't leave her hope behind."  
"Well, I can understand why she likes you."  
"Yes?"  
"You are a hot piece of ass."  
"Raymond!" exclaimed Kevin and he blushed. "If anyone's ass is hot, then it's yours."  
"Well, thank you, but I would like to object. Yours is way hotter."

"Eat your damn pie!" Kevin's face was bright red.  
"Oho, are we swearing now?"  
"Let's save the sweet talk for bed."  
"So you've already planned for later?" Raymond raised an eyebrow and looked at Kevin with a glint in his eyes.  
"I haven't if you won't be quiet now," threatened Kevin with a hint of a smile on his lips.  
"Alright, alright, you win," replied Raymond but he kept his mischievous look.

"Thank you," said Kevin. "So what about you? Did anything interesting happen in your life, since we last talked?"  
"Well, there is a new bagel shop around the corner. I have not been there yet. Perhaps we could try it out together sometime?"  
"A splendid idea," agreed Kevin and ate the last piece of his pie.  
"You should take another slice," suggested Raymond.  
"Oh, no. I shouldn't eat this unhealthy."  
"Oh come on, Kevin. You barely weight anything. Take another slice. For me?" He regarded the other man with a pleading glance.

Kevin stared at him for a few seconds.  
"Well, I think another slice can't hurt," he gave in and put a piece of the pie on his plate. Raymond smiled. Silence filled the kitchen for a moment.  
"There is also a new detective in my department," said Raymond to break it.  
"Oh?"  
"He is quite friendly. And a good policeman. We worked a case together last week and solved it pretty quickly. It was a drug-related one. Hundreds of drug dealers in New York belong to this organization and we managed to bring down their head. It was rather easily done, actually. Once we understood their system, it was a piece of cake. And do you know, what the astonishing thing about the whole case was?"  
"Hm?"  
"The leader of the organization is blind! I don't mean to discriminate against blind people, I just think it is impressive to build up such a large organization when you're blind. Don't you agree?"  
"Mh-hm."

"And he could fight! Apparently, he was blind his whole life and learned to react to the slightest shift of a foot and the quietest sound of someone breathing. Again, impressive. The guy was sixty years old and fought us like a bear. I have never seen anything like this in my life. However, we just got him and nobody else. We believe we took the whole organization down with him, but all the little drug dealers remain on the streets. Even if we cut off their main supplier, they will probably find another route to get to the stuff they need."

"Hm."

Raymond frowned.  
"Kevin? Are you feeling well? You have stopped eating."  
Kevin looked up from his slice of pie.  
"Yes... no. Perhaps I shouldn't have eaten that," he said gesturing to the pie laying innocent on his plate.  
"Why?" asked Raymond concerned.  
"I am allergic."  
"You are what?!"  
"I am allergic," repeated Kevin. "To blueberries. And I can feel my throat closing right now"

Raymond stared at him unbelievably.   
"Why would you eat the damn pie then?!" he shouted.  
"Because you put effort in it and baked it yourself and then carried it for two hours in a crowded train. I couldn't just not eat it." Kevin was starting to sound hoarse. "I need my medication now though. Could you get it for me? It is in the top left drawer."  
It took a moment for Raymond to respond and to close his mouth.  
"You are incredibly stupid sometimes. Do you know that?" he murmured and hurried to get up.

It was this moment he realized, he didn't just like Kevin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way to long! But it was fun to write and I hope you enjoyed it :D


	4. Lightly Stabbed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning:  
> There is violence in this chapter and it comes with a pretty detailed description!
> 
> If this doesn't bother you: enjoy! :D
> 
> And yes, I'm crappy at accents.

How did the captain manage to fight off three guys? Three pretty heavy guys. With knives. Sure, it was possible that it was because of the police training, but nobody in the entire precinct except Terry ever accomplished something similar. Jake was still wondering whether Holt was secretly some super badass spy with an incredible training schedule. He always wanted to ask his boss how he did it, but he also felt like it was a sensitive topic. After all, he caused a fight between Raymond and his husband with his deductions. So Jake just kept guessing and imagining why he could easily take down several men. His speculations ranged from Holt simply taking classes to him being a werewolf who doesn't depend on the lunar cycle.

Jake never asked and never learned the answer. He never got to know that one of his assumptions was indeed correct. Raymond had taken classes. He still did. But he didn't do it just for fun. The backstory was much darker than Jake ever dared to imagine.  
.  
.  
.  
It was raining as Raymond and Kevin left the restaurant. The night blew cold wind in their faces. Kevin pulled his scarf over his nose, and Raymond put on his black leather gloves.   
"See? It was a good idea to bring an umbrella," declared Raymond and took said object out of his coat pocket to open it.  
"Well, we just have one, though," commented Kevin. "It seems like we have to share yours."  
"What a pity," replied Raymond with a badly concealed grin. "We're going to have to walk close together."  
"Body contact will be inevitable."  
"I'll loathe every second of it since I'm such a straight, heterosexual man."

Kevin snorted.  
"Stop it! You'd better let me under the umbrella now. I am already soaking." He moved closer to Raymond.  
"Of course," said Raymond. He looked the street up and down, and when he was sure nobody saw them, he slipped his arm around Kevin's waist. The white man mirrored his gesture. They started strolling down the sidewalk, protected by the black fabric above them. The rain was pattering on the asphalt.

"I truly enjoyed this evening," sighed Kevin. "We should go out more often."  
"We should," agreed Raymond. "The steak really was exquisite."  
"And the strawberry cake," said Kevin dreamily. "I can still taste it."  
"Did you notice how the cook played with the ingredients and mixed diverse components to create a unique taste?"  
"Yes, indeed, I did. And everything was an excellent combination. Who knew chilies would go so well with chocolate?"  
"That mixture amazed me the most," admitted Raymond and nodded.

"I agree, we should go out more often," he said. "However, do you not find it tiring to act as though we weren't a couple?"  
There was a brief silence.  
"Yes," replied Kevin. He looked in the other man's face. "But if I am honest, all that mattered to me in that restaurant was whether you were sitting in front of me."

Raymond suddenly felt warm.  
"Are you serious about what you're saying?" he asked.   
"Certainly. Why else would I tell you-"  
Kevin was interrupted by a quick kiss. Raymond pulled back again. Kevin turned to him and took a step forward. They stood there for a few seconds, so close they could feel each other's breaths warm on their skin. Kevin had his hand still on Raymond's waist, Raymond still held the umbrella. He looked into the blue eyes before him, captivated by the soft gaze the other man gave him. Kevin glanced to his left and then to his right. Raymond copied his action. The street was as deserted as it was three minutes ago. Just the rain, the wind and a few cars parked at the sidewalk filled the emptiness.

Kevin leaned against Raymond. Raymond moved his face closer to Kevin's. Their lips met. A sweet and tender kiss erupted. Kevin brought his hands up to the other man's face. Only shielded by the umbrella the two men stood almost completely silently in the rain. Raymond felt a tiny tingle in his stomach. They've never done something this risky in public. It was thrilling.

Suddenly loud noise echoed through the street. A small group of people stumbled out of a building only a few feet away from were Raymond and Kevin stood. It was several young, muscular men, howling and laughing, clapping each other on their backs. 

Raymond and Kevin rapidly broke apart. But it was too late. 

"Oy! Did these poofs jist shared a wee smacker?"

"Let's go," urged Raymond quietly. He grabbed Kevin by the shoulder and firmly pushed him in the opposite direction.

"Wa daen't ye stoap fur a sec?! Let us watch yer shaw!"

Laughter and absurd kissing noises rose.

The wind tugged at their coats.

They walked faster.

"It's impolite tae donner awa' withit a pro'er goo'bye!"

"Fucking fags. I'll show you some manners!"

A shiver bolted down Raymond's spine and he looked at Kevin who returned his glance with slight fear in his eyes. He nodded. "Run."  
Without wasting another second Raymond dropped his umbrella and both men raced past the gray buildings.

"Get 'em!"

Swift footsteps followed. Raymond heard his own heartbeat drumming in his ears. Water splattered everywhere. Kevin was panting next to him, cheeks red, his wet hair sticking to his forehead. Raymond knew, his partner wouldn't be able to keep up their pace for long. The yelling got louder. Their chasers were slowly catching up.

"Left," gasped Raymond and turned into a narrow alleyway. Kevin was right behind him. The black man could feel the rain seeping through his coat and his socks soaking up the puddles on the street. The cold air cut in his throat. For a few moments, just two pair of footsteps could be heard. It was creepily still. But then the mob came tearing around the corner.

"We'll catch ye, faggots!"

"Come on, Kevin!" yelled Raymond and again turned left. In just a few yards, they would be on the main road, where they could just jump in a cab and escape. Except they wouldn't. Instead, they were running up to a blinking barrier. Behind it, road works were blocking the whole street.  
"Raymond! It's a dead end!" shouted Kevin, his voice high-pitched in panic.  
"We can climb over it!"  
"No, we can't!" cried Kevin out and both came to a halt. "The hole stretches across the entire street!"

He was right. It was at least ten feet deep and almost twice as wide. The rain had filled it with water so neither of them could see how deep it actually was or whether the ground was uneven. They would probably break their ankles if they tried jumping in and be unable to get out of it. Raymond looked around frantically. The walls were too high to climb and he couldn't spot any doors or windows. He realized the cold, shocking truth: They were trapped. Their only chance was to jump.

"Tauld ye we'd get ye!"

Startled, Kevin and Raymond turned around.

Six bulky men stood threatening just some steps in front of the couple, blocking the only exit. Raymond curled his clammy fingers into fists. Kevin took rapid and shallow breaths but kept his stance.  
"Sae, who shood we beat oop first?" asked one guy and grinned maliciously.  
"How about the twink. Let the black bull watch," suggested a second bloke with the same smile.  
"That's an idea." The first guy nodded and all together they moved slowly towards the two frightened men.

But Raymond didn't wait. With a deep roar, he stormed at the group, punching the tallest of them right in the face. He didn't notice how the bones in his hand cracked worryingly but grabbed the next guy by his collar. Someone got him in a headlock from behind but that didn't stop him from kicking and throwing his fists, hitting at least one more attacker. Only then he didn't get any air. Panting he tried to pry the merciless arm off him. Someone punched him in the stomach, knocking the last oxygen out of his lungs. He wheezed. Dull pain grew and pulled through his abdomen and black dots danced in front of his eyes. 

Then, suddenly, he heard a loud scream and the next thing he knew was him falling and landing in a puddle. He coughed and gripped his sore throat, kneeling in the cold water. Another outcry grabbed his attention. A body was forcefully thrown to the hard ground as if it was just a toothpick.

"KEVIN!" yelled Raymond. He tried to stand but a strong hand grasped his shirt.  
"Let us go! Please!" he pleaded on the verge of tears. Kevin didn't move.  
"Ye aren' as brave as ye were 'afore, are ye? Cannae let ye go yet, fag. This is tay much fun." The man punched him hard. And again. And again. And again. The others cheered. Raymond felt like the left side of his face was on fire. He didn't know if it was rain or blood rolling down his cheeks. Probably both. His vision got blurry.

Just as he prepared for another blow, the guy rammed his knee into Raymond's gut. He bit on his tongue, tasting metallic blood. He was about to puke and gasped in agony as he bent over. The man abruptly let go of him. He lost his balance and fell forward, catching himself with his hands as he coughed.  
"Daen't ye dare tae thraw oop!" he was warned. They let him crouch in the puddle for a few moments. He could see himself and the night sky above him in the reflection, blurred by the still pouring rain. His pants were clinging soaked to his legs and he started to shiver, partly because he was cold and partly because of the pain. 

Another man stepped up to him but this time Raymond gathered all his strength and pushed himself up to his feet. He leaped forward and wrapped his arms around the guy's waist, shoving him football-style to the wet asphalt. He was able to land one punch before he was dragged off him and thrown to the ground. Kicks rained down on him. Raymond curled up like a ball, hands around his head. He was too weak to defend himself.

But suddenly the assault became fainter. Raymond looked warily up, his vision reduced because of a swollen eye, and watched two of his attackers stumble. He saw Kevin on the back of one bloke, pushing his fingers into the guy's eyes. Thank god. He was fine. For now. The guy screamed in pain and tried to shake Kevin off.

"HELP ME, DAMMIT! HE'S SCRATCHIN' OUT MY EYES!"

Another man grabbed Kevin roughly and tossed him next to Raymond. He was rolling over the asphalt. Just now, in the dim light, Raymond noticed Kevin's coat was torn up at the sleeves and he had a deep, jagged cut on his right cheekbone as well as a severe wound on the back of his head.  
"Kevin," he whimpered though he couldn't move. Kevin stared back at him, his eyes glassy from the pain.

That's when the blows started again. Raymond got the tip of a shoe kicked exactly between two of his ribs. He groaned and tried to blend out the burning injuries. He noticed Kevin attempting to shift toward him, to protect him, although he was put under the same torture as Raymond.   
.  
.  
.  
Raymond didn't know how long he and Kevin laid there in the rain, suffering. He just knew that at one point it stopped. The attackers had their last laugh, spat at the two men on the ground and then vanished. Raymond waited a few minutes before he dared to sit up. He groaned. His whole torso hurt. He couldn't even tell where precisely. It was just... everything. There was a weird buzz sound in his head and half his face had gone numb. He was trembling, his clothes wet and torn. His right hand felt like it was burning on the inside.

And next to him, curled up, was Kevin. Kevin!  
"Kevin!" He carefully shook the other man's shoulder. "Kevin, you have to sit up."  
He forced his half unconscious partner into an upright position and leaned him against the wall.  
"I'm so sorry," choked Raymond out. He started to cry, releasing all the tears he'd held back. "I'm a policeman. I should have... I should have been able to protect you."

He embraced Kevin. The white man responded by sluggishly wrapping his arms around Raymond as well. They sat on the cold, wet asphalt, soaked to the bone, and held each other. Raymond forced himself to take deep breaths.

"This won't happen again. Next time I will protect us. I promise."


	5. The Beard

When Raymond woke up, he found the other half of the bed empty. For a second, he was worried, but then he smelled coffee and bacon. He sighed. It was a happy sigh. He laid in bed with his eyes closed for a few more moments before he got up and stretched. After he grabbed his blue dressing gown and slipped into it, he went downstairs. As he was taking the last step, Cheddar waddled toward him panting.  
"Good morning, Cheddar." He petted the dog's head. "Can you tell me where Kevin currently is?"

"Right over here!" Raymond straightened up and looked at his husband, who was pouring coffee in the black man's favorite mug. He was wearing the red counterpart to Raymond's garment.  
"Good morning to you, too," said Raymond.  
"Likewise," nodded Kevin.  
"You really outdid yourself," noted Raymond a touch impressed as he walked up to the breakfast which was spread out on the dining table. "Freshly pressed orange juice, greek yogurt with strawberries AND eggs in bacon baskets? My, my."

"Well, since I am on vacation now I find the time for those things. I thought I'd make something special," replied Kevin and gave his husband a little kiss on the cheek.  
"It looks magnificent." Raymond sat down and Kevin followed his lead. "Bon appetit."  
Kevin raised his mug and nodded.

They weren't eating for long before Raymond noticed there was something off about the white man. He couldn't quite tell what it was. He frowned and glanced in his direction. Something about his face. It took him by surprise.  
"Are you alright, Love?"  
"Yes, of course... I just... you haven't shaved yet," stated Raymond and stared at the other's jaw where a little bit of a red shadow could be seen.

"That's correct. I am still going to, though," assured Kevin.  
"Hm."  
"'Hm'?"  
"Well... you always shave first, except for when you're sick or we get... distracted in bed," replied Raymond.  
"It looks like I am a bit... bold today. Your eggs are growing cold."  
"Hm."  
.  
.  
.  
When Raymond came home the same day, it was almost six pm. He unlocked the front door and turned on the lights.  
"Kevin, Darling? Are you home?" He took off his coat and shoes.  
"Yes, in the living room!"  
Raymond stepped into the living room. Only one lamp which stood on a small table was switched on. Kevin was laying on the couch next to it reading a thick, old-fashioned book. A beige blanket was spread over his legs and cheddar was curled up on his lap, letting himself be petted. 

Raymond stood in the doorway for a few moments and took the comfortable picture in. He watched his husband's features in the low light and observed how his eyes moved over the page. He walked up to him and sat at the other end of the couch.

"Hello." He stuck his hands underneath the blanket to massage Kevin's feet.  
"Hello, Love." Kevin looked up from his book. "How was your day?"  
"You still haven't shaved," said Raymond startled and gazed at the few stubbles appearing on his chin.  
"That is indeed accurate," answered Kevin.  
"Why? Are you feeling ill?" He worriedly brought his hand up to the other man's forehead.  
"No, no, I'm feeling fine." Kevin took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I just wanted to... try something new."

"Something new?" asked Raymond.  
"Yes. I decided to grow a beard."  
"A beard?"  
"Yes."  
"Well, this is... surprising."  
.  
.  
.  
A few days later they sat on the couch together and watched a documentary. Raymond glanced over to his husband.  
"A beard," he said.  
"Yes," answered Kevin, his eyes still trained on the TV.  
"A real beard."  
"Yes."  
"Are you sure this is the right thing for you?"  
"If I remember correctly, someone had quite some facial hair themself back in the days."  
"That was a mustache. It's something completely different," argued Raymond.  
"Yes, you are right. A beard is way hotter."  
.  
.  
.  
"All of your food will get stuck in there."  
"Hm?"  
"Your beard," clarified Raymond.  
"Raymond, I love you, but please get over the fact that I'm going to have a beard," sighed Kevin.  
"I am just watching out for you," defended Raymond himself. "What if it will look hideous?"  
"You really are a charmer. It won't look hideous. I promise you are going to like it."  
"Don't make promises you cannot hold."  
.  
.  
.  
"Kevin?"  
"Yes?"  
"You bought something new?"  
Kevin walked into the bathroom and found Raymond holding his beard trimmer and some oils, also meant for his beard.  
"Yes. It has gotten quite long so I have to keep it in form." He stroked over his chin. His beard was rather thick by now. "I hope you don't mind the expenses."  
"Oh, no, no, no, of course not," replied Raymond quickly and put the trimmer and tubes back into the drawer he took them out of.

"So... you really are carrying this out," he said and closed the drawer.  
"Yes, Love. I have been telling you about it for weeks," answered Kevin.  
"Yes, I know."  
"Why are you so uncomfortable about the thought of me having a beard?"  
"I guess I just like you the way you are."  
.  
.  
.  
When Raymond came home from work, Kevin was sitting at the dining table, grading some papers.  
"Good evening, Love," greeted Kevin him and shot a small smile at the other man. Cheddar waddled toward him and Kevin focused again on the essay. Raymond didn't answer. Out of the corner of his eye, Kevin could see his husband just standing in the door without moving a bit. He frowned.

"Is everything alright?" He looked up and found Raymond staring at him. "You know this is a little bit creepy, don't you?"  
"Sorry," replied Raymond. "What are you doing?"  
"I am just looking through some papers," answered Kevin as Raymond walked behind him and leaned down to prop his arms on his husband's shoulders. "I have to grade them before the classes start again."  
"Hm. What are they about?" asked the black man, his head directly next to Kevins.

"'Sense and Sensibility'. It's a novel by Jane Austen. A young woman moves with her family to another city and falls in love with a man. As it's the cliché, the woman is honest and good, while the man is a little bit uncouth and unsuitable for her. Her sister doesn't like their relationship and warns her about him but she won't listen." He took his husband's hand on his chest in his own.

Raymond hummed.  
"You are not really interested in this novel right now, are you?" questioned Kevin with half of a smile on his lips.  
"Not precisely. I apologize," replied Raymond and started to nibble at the other man's ear lobe.  
"What is going on?" laughed Kevin.  
"Nothing."  
"Nothing?"  
"Yes, nothing. I am just trying to have a normal conversation with you," said Raymond.  
"No, you aren't."

"Fine." The black man sighed. "I think you look remarkably hot and I want us both to go to bed early today."  
"'Remarkably hot'?"  
"Yes."

"It's the beard, isn't it?"

"...Yes."

"I told you so," grinned Kevin and turned around to kiss Raymond.  
"I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAD to write something about the beard. It's magnificent! XD
> 
> As always: I'm not a native speaker so please correct my mistakes! And feel free to leave some kudos or comments


	6. Kevin got me quite horny this morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, Terry, if you'd like I could share a lewd story: Kevin got me quite horny this morning." - Raymond Holt
> 
> Bachelor/ette Party s05e19

He woke to fingertips ghosting in light touches over his arm. He almost wasn't able to sense them as they were moving exceedingly carefully, intending not to wake him. The gentle strokes traced his muscles and stopped for just a second at his wrist before a hand cupped his own. Well, it wasn't really cupping since his palm was much larger.

"Good morning, Love," murmured a soft voice. 

Raymond smiled with his eyes still closed.  
"Are we a bit adventurous today?" he asked amused.  
"Perhaps," answered Kevin and nestled closer against his husband. Raymond turned to his side and let his gaze wander over Kevin's features. 

His face was breathtakingly handsome. The sunrays streaming between the curtains hit his eyes and split the ordinary gray into a colorful piece of art. They caused a reddish hint of stubble on his jaw to stand out as well as his ginger hair, ruffled from sleep. Raymond really loved seeing his husband like this. It made him look years younger and... human. Kevin only allowed his appearance to be "imperfect" in their bedroom where no one except Ray could see him. It always warmed his heart when he remembered he was the only person in the whole world who had the fortune of waking up to this view. He smiled.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Kevin softly.  
"You," muttered Raymond and placed a tender kiss on the other man's lips.  
"Me?" Their foreheads touched.  
"About how much I love you."  
Kevin smiled.  
"I love you as well." He let his fingers slide between the buttons of the black man's shirt, opening two of them and feeling the warm skin underneath the fabric. Raymond moved even closer to his husband and placed a hand on Kevin's hip.

"What are you up to?" he whispered gently.  
"Well, as you said I decided to be a little bit adventurous today." He undid another two of Raymond's buttons and kissed him. Hard. Taken by surprise Raymond pushed back, feeling like fireworks were erupting in their mouths. It was amazing. Their lips were meeting each other softly at first before their touch intensified until it hurt. Then they broke apart for just a moment to breathe and collided again the next second. The force of their movements sent a shiver down Raymond's spine and he could feel his member twitching in his pants. He slid his hand up under Kevin's shirt, needing more skin contact, but the other man grabbed his wrist and stopped his action. Kevin abruptly broke their kiss off.

"No," he growled breathlessly. "I'm in charge."  
Raymond didn't complain and retrieved his fingers. Kevin managed to open his husband's top completely and let his hands run over the naked chest, feeling the hot skin. 

He kissed him hungrily. 

Raymond loved it. 

The white man slowly raised up without interrupting their contact. Raymond rolled onto his back and let Kevin climb on top of him. Even though his husband ordered him to keep his hands by himself, he couldn't resist grabbing his ass. Kevin didn't object. He cupped the black man's face in his palms and broke their kiss to capture the gaze the warm, brown eyes in front of him offered. It got quiet in the bedroom. The only sound left was their soft panting. He grinned.

"I love you so terribly much. I hope you know that."

"Of course I do," replied Raymond in a low voice. "I love you, too."

"Love you," repeated Kevin and dove in for another hot kiss, grinding his pelvis against Raymonds. Raymond's shaft welcomed the attention and sent bolts of pleasure through his body. He groaned into Kevin's mouth and could feel the other man smile. His husband broke their touch again and left Raymond gasping.

"You are liking this," stated Kevin.  
"Well, you are notable good at this," answered the other man. "I wish we could do this all day."  
"But we can't because we have something called responsibility, Love," purred Kevin and placed a quick kiss on the other's lips.  
"Sadly," sighed Raymond. "Who needs responsibility anyway?"

Kevin laughed.  
"My first class today starts in exactly..." he glanced at the clock standing on the bedside table. "... thirty minutes. THIRTY MINUTES?!"  
He jumped up, accidentally kicking Raymond.

"I'm going to be late!"

"Hey," exclaimed Raymond. "You can't leave me like this!"

"I'm sorry, Raymond, but I'll have to." He grabbed some pants and a shirt out of their wardrobe and slipped into the clothing before he headed into the bathroom.

"Kevin, Darling, would you maybe just cancel your class for your poor, horny husband?"

"No!" shouted the white man from the next room. Raymond groaned, still laying in bed as Kevin left him.

"And what am I supposed to do now?"

Kevin hastily emerged from the bathroom, putting on some socks and tying his tie simultaneously. He would come back home later to shave. Even though he was ashamed to walk in public like this, his classes were his priority right now.

"Well, Raymond, if you're that desperate: you have two functioning hands."

"You really are a rascal," muttered Raymond.

Kevin grabbed a sweater.  
"Yes, I know." He pecked Raymond's cheek. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye," replied the black man. "And don't worry. Nobody is going to notice you didn't shave."

"Thank you!" answered Kevin, already outside their bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School starts again tomorrow where I live so I won't be posting as often as usual but I'll try to write whenever I can!
> 
> I hope you liked it!


	7. It's my right as an American citizen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting in ages! This is just a short chapter to let you know I'm not dead and not abandoning this collection xD I'm just a little stressed with school and I have some art projects to finish for clients so I don't have much time

It was a few months into their relationship when Kevin first encountered... it. He would soon realize it wasn't just a one-time occurrence but rather an... occasional incident that was part of who Raymond was. Kevin had to either accept it or walk away. He doubted his Partner would ever lose this habit since he wouldn't even admit to it. On the other hand, he could be fairly adorable in this situation. 

It was always the same. Kevin would wake up because he was feeling chilly and would find his blanket gone. And that's exactly what had just happened. 

Kevin sighed and looked over at his alarm clock. 2:33am. Great. He sat up. He could hardly discern anything in the dim room. Low orange light found its way from the street through the curtains onto the red bedsheets, outlining Raymond's sleeping silhouette. His chest was slightly lifting with every breath in his favorite position: on his back, arms crossed. He was covered by a blanket. The blanket he was supposed to share with Kevin.

Carefully Kevin tried to pull at the corner of the cover as an attempt to loosen it out of his partner's firm grip. He had no chance. He grabbed it with both his hands to steadily drag it to his side of the bed. But Raymond just held on tighter.

"Raymond," hissed Kevin. No reaction.  
"Raymond!" he tried again with another pull at the blanket.

"Hm?" The black man turned his head an inch toward his partner, his eyes still closed.  
"The blanket," whispered Kevin.  
"The what?" asked Raymond, clearly disorientated.  
"The blanket. You took it again."  
"No, I di'n't," replied Raymond sleepily while grabbing a handful of the cover and pulling it up to his chin.

"Raymond, I am cold. Please, just let me get underneath it."  
"No."  
"Why?" groaned Kevin quietly.  
"It's mine."  
"It isn't. It's ours."  
"It's mine," claimed Raymond with slurred words. "It's my right as an American citizen to have my own blanket! Good night!"

Kevin stared at his partner, who was already softly snoring again.  
"I swear to god, I'm getting a second one."


	8. Sick Blood I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So eating_custardinbed asked for a sickfic and I FINALLY wrote it! Well I wrote part I. The rest is about to follow in the next couple of weeks. Hope you enjoy and comments and kudos are appreciated! :D

Kevin felt hollow on the inside.

 

His mind had gone numb and was racing at the same time.

 

He was thinking, he knew that much, but he couldn't grasp a single thought.

 

_"I'm sorry, but it seems like it's a matter of months."_

 

His fingers started twitching. His grip tightened, crumpling the brochures he held. The train was crawling through the darkness, only guided by the rails. But Kevin didn't notice what time it was or for how long he was gone. He didn't notice that his jacket was far too thin for the coldness that came along with the night and crept up his sleeves.

 

_"I want to be honest with you, Professor Cozner. There is no easy way to say this."_

 

Kevin heard the engineer make an announcement but he didn't understand the words. It was like someone stuffed his ears with cotton.

 

_"You suffer from non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Leukemia. I am sorry."_

 

.

.

.

 

It had been as if the doctor had taken out a gun and had shot him. Only worse because he was still alive. Still breathing. He had been able to hear his blood pounding in his ears. Sick blood. Poisoned. An image of scarlet fluid turning deathly black had been stuck in his head, even though he knew how absurd it was.

 

And now he was here. Sitting in an empty train, not knowing where he was going. He was staring into blank space.

 

_"Are you sure you want to go home alone?"_

 

Something buzzed inside his jacket. It wasn't the first time this evening. Somehow he knew it was important, but he couldn't remember why.

 

_"We can call your husband for you to discuss further details if you want us to."_

 

Sick. Sick. Sick. He was sick. His whole body began to tremble. Sick. Cold. He was cold. Cold and abandoned on a cold and abandoned train, completely lost and not knowing where he was going. He wanted to be warm again. He wanted to go home.

 

_"Do you want to be alone for a minute?"_

 

He took a shaky breath. And then the numbness broke and tears welled up. Quiet sobs fled his throat. Street lights flashed behind the windows and were gone the second they appeared. The train bent and got slower.

 

_"Professor Cozner, Kevin, take a deep breath for me, please."_

 

He dried his eyes with his handkerchief. He had no time to cry. He had to get off this damned train. He had to go home. Kevin stood and grabbed a pole for support. The train finally came to a halt with a loud squeal and as soon as the doors slid open Kevin stormed out.

 

He was the only person on the platform. A small shiver crept up his back and he tightened the jacket around himself. In the distance, he could hear the usual city noise. It seemed unreal. Too normal. Kevin inhaled deeply and held his breath for a few seconds.

 

A high, sudden screech had him jumping. The train took off again. The illuminated windows rushed past him, gaining speed until they were nothing more than dots of light continuing their way through the darkness, leaving Kevin behind.

 

The station was small. No information boards, no vending machines, no time display. Just a bench and a trashcan decorated the grey paving.

 

What was he supposed to do now? He didn't really know. So he just started walking. Walking toward something that looked like an exit. Maybe he would find a taxi somewhere.

 

.

.

.

 

He was right. Even though he still didn't exactly know where he was, probably not in Brooklyn anymore, he got into one of the yellow cars and gave the driver his address before he leaned back and let the black leather seat catch him. He exhaled gently as the taxi set off.

 

Colorful advertisement reflected on the car's windows and Kevin was blinded by the headlights of the other vehicles. Even though it was a cold night, people were still out, walking through the streets in long coats, heading from one bar to the next, laughing. It seemed pointless. Everyone was just distracting themselves from their own problems in their normal, boring lives, creating an illusion of simplicity and jauntiness. In a few hours, they would be home again, sobered up and crushed by reality: Everything was shit. Joy was just lack of information. Why even try to swim when you already knew you couldn't lift the weight holding you down under the water?

 

Yesterday Kevin had taken a walk with his husband and their dog to their preferred park. They had talked about his promotion and the birthday party they were invited to in two weeks, contemplating about what they were going to wear and what gift they should buy. They played fetch with the corgi and Raymond cracked a hilarious joke Kevin couldn't remember anymore. They stopped at their favorite café and had the pies they always had. Blueberry for Raymond and apple for Kevin. That was yesterday.

 

And today he died.

 

Kevin bit his lip. His eyes got wet again. He forced the tears back.

 

How was he going to tell Raymond? Raymond... Raymond! Frantically he patted down his jacket, searching for his phone. With trembling fingers, he pulled it out of his pocket. 23:48. Shit.

 

_19 missed calls._

 

_18:39 Raymond_

_19:03 Raymond_

_20:17 Raymond_

_20:20 Raymond_

_20:36 Raymond_

_20:42 Dr. Collins_

_21:31 Raymond_

_21:35 Raymond_

_21:55 Raymond_

_22:10 Raymond_

_22:28 Raymond_

_22:31 Raymond_

_22:52 Peralta_

_23:05 Raymond_

_23:08 Gina_

_23:16 Raymond_

_23:19 Peralta_

_23:30 Raymond_

_23:33 Raymond_

 

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

 

As if summoned his phone buzzed again in his hand. Startled Kevin almost dropped it.

 

_Raymond_

 

He froze. Should he pick up? Of course. His husband worried. But what should he say? A simple "hello" or "good evening" didn't seem right. Nothing seemed right. It kept buzzing. Kevin started to panic. He had to answer. But how? He tightened his grip. And then the phone stilled.

 

"No!" he breathed. Before he could think about what he was doing he blindly hit the green button and pressed the device against his ear. His heart pounded in his ears as he listened to the beep at the end of the line and black spots danced in front of his eyes, making him feel dizzy. He swallowed.

 

"Kevin!"

 

Kevin exhaled. It took just two seconds for Raymond to answer.

"Raymond. Good evening."

"Where are you?! Are you fine?!" There was an aggressive tug in Kevin's chest as soon as he heard his husband's anxious voice.

"I'm on my way home."

"Thank god, Kevin. Where were you all day?"

"I... Raymond, I..." Tears welled up again.

"Are you alright?" asked Raymond concerned.

"I... something happened." He stifled a sob.

"Are you alright, Kevin?" he asked again forcefully.

 

"Yes. Yes, I am." Liar.

"Are you sure?" Kevin knew his husband didn't believe him.

"Yes of course." Liar, liar, liar. "We'll talk at home, yes? I just called to let you know I'm fine. I'm sorry I wasn't able to be reached."

He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, blending out the lights flashing by.

 

Raymond wanted to argue. Kevin knew that without needing to see him.

"Please?" he begged.

"Alright," his husband agreed a little tight. "When will you arrive at home?"

"Soon," promised Kevin even though he himself still didn't know where he was. He just trusted the driver.

"I'll see you later then," said Raymond clearly bothered and worried about his answer.

"Yes, see you later." He hung up and opened his eyes again. He felt like throwing up.

 

.

.

.

 

It was half past midnight when the taxi driver pulled up their driveway. Kevin paid the quite expensive fare and made his way up to the front door on wobbly legs. Before he had the chance to reach it, it was thrown open and his husband ran toward him. Kevin swallowed.

 

"Kevin! Where were you? I was worried!"

"I was out," stated the white man.

"You look pale," said Raymond and cupped his husband's face in his warm hands. "And where is your car? Kevin, what happened?"

"I... I'm..." He broke down. Tears were running down his cheeks. He couldn't take it anymore. He leaned into Raymond and sobbed into his chest.

"Kevin," said his husband softly and wrapped his arms around the other man in shock.

 

Kevin's whole body was trembling.

"Shh. It's alright. It's fine." Raymond stroked over Kevin's hair soothingly.

Deep down Kevin knew his husband wasn't right. It wasn't alright. It wasn't fine. But in that moment he just forgot about it, feeling safe and warm in the embrace, hiding his face from the world.

 

"Shall we go inside?" murmured Raymond. "I'll make you some tea."

Kevin nodded gently.

 

"What is that?" his husband asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" responded Kevin confused, wiping his tears away with his wrist.

"In your hand." Kevin looked down. The brochures Dr. Collins gave him were still crumpled in his grip. He had held them in his hand the whole afternoon. He glanced shyly at Raymond.

"I'll tell you later," he said. His husband nodded but looked even more concerned.

 

Raymond closed the door behind them and led Kevin into the kitchen. The white man sat down at the table and his husband put the kettle on.

"Can you please sit down, too?" asked Kevin gently and stared at the table.

"Yes, of course." Raymond followed his request and pulled back the chair in front of him.

 

"What has happened, Kevin?" the black man asked carefully.

Kevin swallowed and looked up. Raymond waited.

"I went to the doctor's today," he started to explain.

"Yes, I know, Darling."

Kevin nodded.

"And the doctor told me something."

"Something bad?" asked Raymond, his eyes slightly widened, a hint of fear hid in his voice.

Kevin nodded again, holding back tears.

 

"I... I have got cancer, Raymond."

 

He cracked up again and hid his face in his hands. The brochures fell onto the table.

"Those," he said ", those are for possible treatment and for... for palliative organizations."

 

Silence.

 

He didn't dare to look up to Raymond. But he couldn't stand the silence.

"Please, say something," he sobbed with closed eyes, his shoulders were quivering.

 

Warm hands took his own away from his face and... held them. Kevin stared at their joined hands across the table before glancing up to Raymond's face.

 

"I'm here for you," said Raymond tearfully with a clearly pained expression. "We'll do this. Together."


	9. A Bald Spot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me again :D  
> I didn't get any comments on the last few chapters so I was wondering if there is something bothering you or something I could improve. If so please tell me :)

"Kevin!"

Kevin looked up from his newspaper.  
"Yes, Love?" he responded.  
"Can you please get in here?" called Raymond.  
Kevin frowned but got up from the breakfast table.

"Raymond? Where are you?"  
"In here. The bathroom."

Kevin followed his partner's voice and found him indeed in their bath, standing in front of the mirror in his blue dressing gown. He had a hand mirror in his grip and was... Well, Kevin didn't really know what exactly it was the black man was doing. It had resemblance with a dance cavemen would participate in. It certainly looked silly.

"Raymond? What precisely are you trying to portray with your little gesture display?" he asked with a puzzled smile.  
"I'm just attempting to get a look at the back of my head," sighed Raymond and stopped his motions. "A little help, please?"

He handed Kevin the glass.  
"Why do you need to see the back of your head?" The white man stepped behind his partner and met his eyes through the large mirror.  
"It's nothing," said Raymond.  
"You were putting on quite a show for nothing," commented Kevin and held the hand mirror up so Raymond could see his reflection. 

The black man exhaled. Kevin frowned again.  
"Is everything alright?" he asked.  
"Yes, yes, it is."  
"So will you now tell me what this was about?"

Raymond turned around.  
"I just... I feared I had a bald spot," he confessed.  
"A bald spot?" repeated Kevin perplex and his gaze shifted automatically to the bush of frizzy dark hair on his partner's head.  
"Yes, a bald spot," said Raymond.  
"Don't be ridiculous! You have enough hair for the both of us. You'll never go bald," claimed the white man.

Raymond huffed.  
"I hope you are right," he said doubtfully.  
"Of course I am right. It would be a shame if you lost those curls," said Kevin with a fond little smile. "Are you coming back to the table now?"


	10. Sick Blood II

"Peralta, make sure you submit your report by tomorrow morning."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Jake put his hand up to his forehead to salute. "A new, freshly written report for you to read tomorrow, 8 o'clock sharp."  
"Except I'm not going to be the one reading it," said Holt. "But I like your recently acquired sense of responsibility."  
"You aren't?" asked Jake frowning.  
"I am taking a couple of weeks off work. Surely you must have heard of it?" responded the black man.

"No, I haven't. In fact, I haven't heard anything from anyone in over-" Jake looked at his watch "-20 days, 6 hours, 39 minutes and 22 seconds since Amy made a bet with EVERYONE in the precinct causing no one talking to me for... I don't even know for how long 'cause nobody told me. But it clearly can't be forever. Can it?"

Holt looked into Jake's manic eyes, wondering whether it had been a mistake to cancel the anti-bullying-campaign visit two months ago.  
"Yes...," he said slowly. "Well, I have to get going, really. Kevin's probably already waiting."  
"Spending time with the husband? I'm hoping on a nice beach somewhere. Or in the mountains. Kevin seems like a mountain guy," stated Jake.

Holt had to clear his throat.  
"Yes. Something similar."  
"Well, have lots of fun on vacation." Jake smiled.  
"Thank you, Peralta." Holt nodded and left the precinct.

***

Dinner was quiet. Raymond had cooked and Kevin had silently slipped into the dining room like he didn't belong there. They hadn't spoken while eating. Raymond had done the dishes alone. Afterward, they had watched a documentation about the second world war, but Raymond hadn't been able to focus on the narrator's voice. Now they were in bed, sitting wordlessly side by side, each reading a book, both men's eyes were stuck on the same page for nearly half an hour.

Raymond sighed and clapped his book shut. In the quietness surrounding them, the sound had the same effect as a gunshot and Kevin flinched.  
"We have to talk," said Raymond, staring straight ahead.  
Kevin swallowed and closed his book as well.  
"About tomorrow," he finished his husband's sentence.  
"Yes."

Silence.

"Well?"  
"I will be there at all times," said Raymond. "And everything is going to turn out fine."  
"How can you be so sure? You heard what Dr. Cameron said," responded Kevin.  
"Yes, I did. He said that there is still hope."

"This hope is a ten percent chance, Raymond. Why won't you see it." Kevin stared at the other man with tears in his eyes.  
"Because I don't want to," answered Raymond as he mirrored Kevin's look. "Because I still believe in this. In you."  
"There is nothing to believe in."  
"There is," claimed Raymond forcefully. "I don't understand why you don't. Why you don't believe in this chance. Even if it's just ten percent."

"Because I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want you to get your hopes up. You'll be disappointed, Raymond. And the sooner you realize this, the better," Kevin said. Then he added a touch softer ", I don't want you to get hurt more than necessary."  
"Well, you won't be there to witness it, will you?" Raymond looked away.

Kevin opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again and swallowed.   
"I can't do this right now," he whispered eventually and got out of the bed before he stormed off, slamming the bedroom door.  
"Kevin...," called Raymond, instantly regretting what he had said. He sighed and rubbed over his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

***

"Don't worry, Captain Holt, you will have your husband back in no time."

Raymond stared after the bed Kevin was rolled into the OR in. He clenched his fists. Now he had to wait. And the waiting was the worst part. He got sympathetic looks from the nurses and encouraging smiles from the doctors. It was awful. He bought himself a coffee at some point. He drained it before it had the chance to cool down. It tasted like crap. He didn't even dare to look at the big clock hanging in the waiting room.

And then - finally - the doctor responsible for Kevin appeared again.

"How is he?" asked Raymond and jumped up from his chair.  
"He's fine. Just a little bit sleepy but that's totally normal. Everything went according to plan and it looks good at the moment. We'll have to keep him here to see how his body reacts to the new bone marrow and the therapy as a whole but Dr. Cameron surely already informed you about this."

Raymond exhaled.  
"Yes, he did. Thank you, Dr. Marshall. For everything."

"It's my job. I'm happy I can help." She smiled.

"Can I see him now?" asked Raymond.  
"Yes, of course. The recovery room is right down the hall."  
"Thank you again," he said and nodded.

As Raymond stepped into the recovery room he immediately saw his husband sleeping in one of the large, white beds. He silently grabbed a chair and sat beside Kevin. Just as he looked at him, tears were raising into his eyes. He even dared to stroke over the red hair, something he rarely to never did in public. But he didn't care. He didn't care what anyone might be thinking. He deserved this. They did it. The first step. Kevin was fine.


	11. Public Display of Affection

It was a warm and sunny afternoon. Raymond stood on the platform where Kevin's train should be pulling up in a few minutes. He would finally see him again after the two weeks his partner spent in Vestal for continuing education. There were a lot of people around him who were also waiting. Raymond wondered how many of them were there to pick up a loved one, too. Finally, he could hear the low rumble in the distance and it didn't take long until the train rushed past him and came to a halt. The doors opened and he looked expectantly over the heads of the crowd, trying to spot Kevin. 

It took some time but he eventually found him, carrying his heavy suitcase in one hand and his jacket over the other arm. Raymond made his way over.  
"Kevin!" He waved to get his partner's attention. He saw Kevin frowning and looking around, trying to locate whoever called him.  
"Over here!" Raymond finally reached the other man smilingly. "Good Afternoon."  
"Hello," answered Kevin a little perplex. "You are picking me up?"  
"Yes, I am. I figured it would be a surprise."  
"Oh."

Raymond was taken aback.  
"Unless you would like to take the cab home alone," he added carefully and pushed up his glasses up with one finger.  
"Oh, no, no, no," said Kevin and smiled. "I'm really glad you're here." He lowered his voice. "I missed you."  
"I missed you as well," murmured Raymond and opened his arms for a hug.

Kevin took a step back.  
"How was the trip?" he asked. "Although I appreciate it, you shouldn't have come. You live too far away."  
"It was no problem, really," said Raymond a little hollow and let his arms dangle. "I wanted to see you."  
"Well, thank you," replied the white man and flashed another smile.

"Can I help you with the suitcase?" asked Raymond.  
"No, thanks. I can handle it," declined Kevin. "Shall we go?"  
He walked past Raymond toward the exit.  
Raymond frowned. He followed his partner and walked close next to him.  
"Is everything alright?" he questioned worryingly.  
"Yes, of course, it is. Why shouldn't it be?" said Kevin while simultaneously providing more space between the two men.  
"Because I feel like you are avoiding me," answered Raymond bluntly.  
"Don't be ridiculous," replied Kevin, not looking at his partner.

They were walking out of the station.   
"I don't think I am," said Raymond.  
"Yes, you are. I am just tired. I'm sorry if I appeared a little short. Taxi!"  
Raymond didn't believe him. On the other hand: Kevin did look exhausted.  
"Alright," he simply said stepped up to the car pulling over.

They got in the cab, the suitcase between their feet, and Kevin gave the driver his address.  
"So how was Vestal?" asked Raymond.  
"Great. The lectures were quite informative," answered Kevin.  
"That's good," said the black man. "I'm glad you are back, though."  
He took his partner's hand in his own.  
"I am, too," said Kevin, pulling his arm away and nervously glancing at the driver.  
Raymond stared at him. He opened his mouth and closed it again. Had he done something wrong?

The rest of the ride was silent, as well as the way up to Kevin's flat. The only thing they said was a quick hello to one of the neighbors.

Kevin unlocked his door and pushed it open, holding it for Raymond.   
"Make yourself comfortable," he said and took off his shoes.  
"Kevin, can we please talk about this?" asked the other man desperately and closed the door again.  
"Talk about what?" replied Kevin and turned his back to him to hang his jacket on the coatrack.  
"I don't know, but something is clearly bothering you."

Silence.

"Look, if it is something I've done or if I overstepped your boundaries today you can tell-"  
"You didn't do anything wrong," interrupted Kevin and sighed. He turned around and looked a little sheepishly at Raymond.  
"What is it then?" asked the black man. "Did something happen in Vestal?"  
"No, nothing happened," said Kevin. "I'm... just not comfortable with us... engaging in physical contact in public."

"Physical contact?" asked Raymond stunned. "But all I wanted to do was hug you and hold your hand in a cab where nobody would have seen us anyway."  
"Well, I don't like it."  
"So... you want me to stop touching you?" Pictures of all the nights they spent together welled up in Raymond's mind.  
"Just in public," answered Kevin and he looked down. "Not when we're alone."  
"Alright." Raymond nodded and swallowed.  
"I... I hope I'm not asking too much of you," said the white man unsure.

"No, it's fine, just... unusual."  
Kevin shrugged.  
"May I ask why?" asked Raymond.  
"I just don't like it," answered Kevin and crossed his arms over his chest.  
"Last time you didn't seem to have a problem with it."  
"Well, last time we got attacked and beaten up because of it," said Kevin sharply and stared into his partner's eyes.

Raymond opened his mouth startled and closed it again, not a sound leaving his throat. Of course. How could he be so stupid and not think about the obvious? Kevin was traumatized. Nothing weird or surprising. It was quite normal, actually. Kevin was a victim. And Raymond had been too dense to realize that. Too used to violence every day as a part of his job.

"Kevin...," he almost breathed.  
"I'm sorry...," said the other man.  
"No, don't be. It's fine, I promise." Raymond pulled him in for a hug.  
Kevin buried his face in the crook of his partner's neck.  
"But this is okay, isn't it?" asked Raymond and stroked over the other's back.  
Kevin choked out a laugh.  
"Yes, it is," he said. "More than okay. Thank you."  
"It's fine, really. I understand."

"I'm so sorry, it's just that I have to think about that evening every time and I'm so afraid-"  
"It's fine. You don't have to apologize, I swear," interrupted Raymond. "I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner."  
Kevin squeezed him a little tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A follow-up to chapter 4. Hope you liked it and as always: I'm not a native speaker so tell me if I make the same mistakes repeatedly!
> 
>  
> 
> Another thing: I started a Good Omens fanfiction so swing by if you're interested :)


	12. Shh, Kevin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning: There is dub-con in this chapter.

Gentle fingers fastened the scarf at the back of Kevin's head.   
"Ouch!"  
"I'm sorry, Honey," grinned the other voice. "I'll try to watch out for your hair."  
The world around him became dark.  
"Can you see anything?"  
"No."  
"Good." A hand between his shoulderblades guided him through the room.  
"Why exactly are you doing this again?" he asked.  
"I'm just trying something new. Now, sit down carefully."

His partner's palms guided him down with a safe grip. As soon as he was sitting on the bed, he was pushed onto his back, his head resting on a fluffy pillow.   
"Are you certain about this?" he asked doubtfully.  
"Yes, I promise you'll like it. You said you preferred it if I got a little more... active from time to time."  
Kevin nodded. Then he heard metal clattering.

"Wait, what are you intending-"  
"Shh, Kevin, be quiet for a minute. Trust me on this please."  
He nodded again, but a weird feeling in his gut began to rise.  
The matress dipped on one side. His arms were lifted above his head until his wrists touched. Something sharp closed around them with a click. He testingly tugged at it, but he didn't come far.

"You tied me to the headboard," he stated. his throat dry.  
"Aren't handcuffs a brilliant invention?" His lover cupped his face and kissed him softly. "Don't be scared."  
"I'm not scared," lied Kevin. He could practically feel the raised eyebrow directed at him.  
"We are engaging in something new. I'm just unfamiliar with things like this," explained the white man, not wanting to disappoint the other. "And it's odd talking to someone you don't see."

An honest laugh echoed through the bedroom.   
"Well, the blindness is the point of all this. You'll feel better soon."  
With those words, a leg was swung over his hips and its body pressed close to his. Another kiss was placed on his mouth and the same gentle fingers cupped his face again. The thumbs stroked over his cheeks. 

"You look lovely like this, do you know that?" asked his partner softly and dug in anew for a demanding kiss. Kevin gave in and opened his mouth slightly. He could feel heat shooting up his neck. He wanted to wrap his arms around the body on top of him, wanted to bury his hands in the soft curls, but as he tugged at the handcuffs he found them as secure as before.

"Does someone want to escape?" he was scolded.  
"Yes, please!" he gasped. "Please, remove the cuffs."  
"Ah, no, I don't think so. We haven't even started yet."  
He groaned as his neck was caressed by the other's lips. A hand stroked down his chest and started unbuttoning his shirt. Fingers were roaming over his bare flesh, causing Kevin to yank at the handcuffs again. The metal dug into his skin. Everything seemed more intense since he couldn't see a thing. He was able to feel the slightest shift of the palm at his neck, every warm breath his partner took. 

It was suffocating.

"I don't think I like it," he whispered carefully.  
"Yes, you do." The kisses traveled along his collarbone and then down toward his chest. "It's just something new. All the different sensations. You said it yourself."  
"I know, I know," he breathed.  
"We're just at the beginning. Try to relax a bit."  
His shirt was completely opened and pushed over his shoulders. A hot tongue ran across his nipple. He yelped in shock.  
"Shh, Kevin."  
The hand on his chest slowly spread its fingers.

The other palm carefully slipped further down Kevin's helpless body. He gulped as he realized how vulnerable he was in his current position.  
"That's good," murmured the voice softly.   
"Yes," he whispered.

The button of his pants was opened, the zip slowly pulled down. 

Alarm bells in his head were ringing.

He yanked at the handcuffs. The metal was just rattling.  
"Can you slow down, please?" he asked agitated.  
"Almost there, Kevin. You'll be in heaven in a few minutes."  
"No, I'm serious. Stop, please. I'm uncomfortable."

Even though another body was pressed up against his own, he suddenly was cold.   
"Kevin. Just calm down, will you?"  
"Please, stop, Holly!" He jerked at the handcuffs fearfully. The metal cut into his flesh.  
"Stop being such a baby," she said, hands still on his body.  
"Holly! I really don't like this!" he cried out.

"You know what? Fine." She rapidly stood up and walked through the room. "I just wanted to do something special."  
The steps came closer again.  
"But I guess if you decide to be so fucking ungrateful, there isn't any point in continuing it."  
She grabbed his hands and opened the cuffs with the key, twisting his wrists without care in the process.  
"I don't know why I'm still putting up with you."

"Holly, I'm sorry." Kevin pulled the scarf from his face.  
"It's okay, Kevin, really," she spat as she stormed out of the room, slamming the door.

Sighing he let himself fall back into the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! :)


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